We overestimate how much we can control externals versus internals.
When something bad/unpleasant happens what do you do?
You feel terrible.
Now, I strongly feel that half of your misery is coming from the actual event and half from your inner narrative about the event.
Here you have a choice.
You can’t control 100% of that external event/circumstance. It has already happened.
However, you can control 100% of your internal narrative and how you perceive it.
We over-index on trying to control or change the externalities to our liking.
At the same time, we undervalue the power of changing our own internal narrative and reframing what has happened with a positive light in our mind.
This internal work is hard and counter-intuitive. It might seem like you are being a fraud or spineless chicken.
But life is short. You can’t dole out too many f*cks to every trivial thing that crosses your path.
Protect your energy, time and attention.
All of the work you put in becoming a more empathetic, patient and forgiving person may make you seem like a loser in the moment but in the long run, you will end up being the most resilient person you ever knew.
You can bounce from tragedy, suffering or unpleasant feelings faster than before.
And that is a super power in a world that is so attached to pleasant feelings all the time.