Discovering the root of all anger and frustration.

Life is funny. It can get to us if we are not being mindful and rob us of our inner peace. Happens to the best of us and often very quickly. But if we are being mindful, we can perhaps attempt to stop it before it gets big.

So, let’s peel the onion layer by layer:

  1. First, identity that frustration is another mask of anger so address it that way.

  2. Anger is an emotion (a default habit!) for many of us when unjustified sadness arises.

  3. Unjustified sadness is a perspective problem. It is a tricky and slipper state of mind that arises when an unpleasant/unjustified thing occurs and your ego is tarnished.

  4. Your ego is tarnished because it wants to hold everything and everyone based on certain EXPECTATIONS.

  5. To live life in a society with harmony, we do need shared expectations. (Cars should stop at red lights, people should walk on pedestrian crossing, bosses should be human and kind, loved ones should be understanding and sensible) But hey, does it really always work that way? Humans makes mistakes. Things happen. Circumstances change. Expectations shatter.

  6. The stronger you hold your expectations, the harsher the shattering feels and the sharper the pain of sadness that hits you. And based on your default tendency, you either resort to the self-pity spiral or the type of anger (frustration, fussiness, rage and resentment).

The key is practicing holding your expectations loosely. Ideally, you should have zero expectations and you will be forever in bliss and joy like a toddler is. Since, it’s almost impossible to live a life like that, perhaps the second best thing is to acknowledge the moment your expectations are shattered and tell yourself it’s going to be OK. Resist the gravitational pull of sadness/anger since these are strong habits for many of us unless you are Dalai Lama (if so, hey Dalai, thanks for reading my blog!).